It’s admittedly, a little difficult to talk about a relationship. So, maybe you can see why it took me some time to get around to writing all this, albeit weeks late.
When I met my husband, I was 22, he was 21. We met on a dating site & I was just on my way to closing my account as I found myself a boyfriend already. I saw my husbands message, it wasn’t really anything too special. Just a “Omg, you live here too? Nobody does!” kind of message. I shrugged and answered it and said hello. I wasn’t looking to date anyone, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t make friends, and I was short of those, so that be nice.
And it was nice! We joked and talked when time allowed or when we noticed messages, moved to steam for faster conversing. One day, we were both craving pancakes late at night & that’s when we finally met. It was probably the easiest experience I have ever had with another human being. He talked a lot about his life and his ex girlfriend. I noted that down mentally that he recently got out of a long term relationship. He knew of course I was dating someone, but it was nice to have a normal conversation, no expectations, just we can be people talking about our life & making jokes. I even shared with him stories that I imagined and have written. He laughed like he didn’t have to understand how strange my sense of humor was, just that I was funny and uniquely myself & that was enough. Of course, my boyfriend at the time didn’t like me having a guy friend and well, I don’t like jealous possessive guys, so he quickly got the boot after getting annoying about a friend.
My husband & I didn’t date right away. In fact, I didn’t even realise I liked him. I’m very quick to tell guys a rejection or that I’m not interested. One day when hanging out together, I was playing Tomodachi life as he was watching. Of course I added us both to the game, as well as some of his friends and some of my friends. As one does. My mii needed advice. She liked Andre & was wondering if she should go for it. I felt like a deer in headlights, as he sat there watching how I’d answer. My response? I just closed my 3DS and we did something else.
I was taking ‘me’ time after having gotten out of a silly relationship. I didn’t need to rush straight into another one. That’s what I told my friends, but they always made light of it when I mentioned Andre or sounded confused, ’cause wasn’t I already dating him? I had to clear up the misunderstandings so often. One day, after a close friend told me it again, it dawned on me: I really like this guy, I might be in love with him actually. Once I realised, it did not take long for me to immediately think, “I should ask him out!”.
In my excitement to ask him out the VERY next day, I basically didn’t go to bed, I stayed up. I dressed up, invited him out, and the plan was to go see a movie together (Inside Out for the curious). We got to the theater and I just stayed by the car. It WAS a date, but I didn’t feel right that he didn’t know, so I had to figure out my words. I was panicking though, no idea how to ask him out on a date or if I should ask him out in general. I was a bit confused and the movie theater was right there, so I asked, “Want to go to the park instead?”.
We went to the park, we walked around. There used to be this memorial archway for my late brother who passed. I liked that park, they liked my brother. I showed Andre these things, talked about my brother, and we relaxed. The thought of asking him out was racing in my mind, not knowing when it was appropriate to ask. He asked to go to see the movie still, so we got in the car, but I hadn’t wanted him to go just yet. I was struggling to ask though and I think he picked up on that. He asked me if I was trying to say something to him and I simply nodded. He seemed patient as I stuttered and couldn’t quite say it, so he asked, “Is this the part where I ask you out?”. I nodded, embarrassed. It must have been obvious that that’s what I’ve been trying to do all day. So he asked me out, and I was overthinking in my head “I can’t say ‘sure’ that’s too dismissive, this way is too eager, this way doesn’t sound like I’m interested.” (Like I said, overthinking) and so what came out was a “No.”
At first, I was mortified. I totally blew my chance. I was going to have to explain, but he was quiet, surprised, and then he just started laughing. All this lead up to get told no. He thought I was joking & he didn’t feel hurt or upset, surprised I was panicking, but he was lovely.
It didn’t take us long to realise, “This is the person I want to be with.” We talked about marriage maybe 4 months into dating. Fast, I know! Later that year, he proposed. Though it was a bit messy and we both have different tellings of the events. We both definitely misunderstood and heard each other differently. How? It was messy and he panicked, too. I said yes.
He was there with me to help spoil my nieces as we took them shopping to the mall. I know coming into a family is awkward, neither of us are good about family, and neither of us are used to it. My late niece hugged him and gave him a christmas card saying she loved him, when she found out we were engaged. We’d go on dates and frustrated, we’d have to call AAA or my younger brother for help as our car broke down for the umpteenth time that year. And when I made an attempt on my life, he stayed by my side at the hospital, even when I wanted to be alone because I felt alone at times. When my late niece passed, or when my father did years later. He cried with me and helped read my eulogies I was unable to give. He took on tasks given to me so I wouldn’t have to bury my own father. I tried to be there for him during his big life moments. I was so proud when he finally quit his job and was able to find something better. He deserved more and I was happy he felt it, even if it was through imposter syndrome at times. Moving from one toxic environment to another to cockroach infested apartments to living cramped in a closet. Moving in to our own house together felt like a dream come true.
We didn’t marry for 5 years. We were poor & it wasn’t until covid made things easier for us to get married over a webcall, that it became viable. So yeah, we eloped. How we got married wasn’t really important. Who we would have and wouldn’t have invited, weren’t important. Andre has always been my best friend. He’s my person I turn to to tell the first stupid joke I think of. To talk about the most mundane of things. To have late night drives just to get out of the house and be alone together while randomly roaming the streets. To blast music together with and duet. He has always been my family when we both have struggled with our own and with each others. It’s only been a third of my life, but he fit into my life as if he should have always been there. It is incredibly hard to sum up 10 years of love & friendship.
Even after 10 years, every moment together has felt like it was just yesterday. I’m always learning something new. Always learning just how funny this man is. How smart or silly he is. His strengths and weaknesses. Even if I know him so well, he still surprises me. I never understood the appeal of a smile until I saw his. & since then on, it’s been my favorite thing. I used to make jokes to make myself laugh, but now I say them to see his face light up and to hear his voice as he laughs.
Thank you for your patience, your kindness, your understanding. You’ve supported me, my dreams, and every project that I have started and gave up on. You’ve never given up on me, even in my weakest moments. During depressive spirals and PTSD episodes, you loved me through it all. We’ve been through a lot together & even going through ADHD together is a little funny, but also fitting.
Thank you for these last 10 years. I look forward to every moment we spend together still & I look forward to learning more about you as we both grow. I love you.
